If a dream is really just a dream.

But a dream is really just a dream.

On the night before yesterday when I didn’t remember whether it was dark and windy, I had a dream.

In the dream, it seems to be a real world. When I am still staying in the dream...

The beginning of the dream, I have forgotten how it started, and I don’t know why it started.

The clarity in the dream is that I saw a woman's face at a close distance. The woman's face was looking at me at about seven centimeters from the tip of my nose. I seemed to have never seen that face. Maybe I had seen it before but forgot it, maybe I really had never seen it. Because there was no sense of familiarity.

Immediately afterwards, a scene that happened made me unable to calm down for a long time.

The lips of that face kissed my lips...

I have never experienced this feeling. I didn’t know it was a dream, and I still couldn’t figure out one thing - why was my first kiss suddenly taken away by a woman I didn’t know?

But I can't figure it out because I can't figure it out. In my dream, I didn't seem to mean to refuse, but instead became intoxicated by that feeling...

The moment that face pulled her lips away from mine, I felt that my heart seemed to be pulled away. The empty loss seemed to have a real meaning in that lips.

Then, that face began to become blurry and less impressed in my mind.

Then, she turned into a little white dog and ran away. Behind the little white dog, a man was constantly chasing her, as if he wanted to catch her.

And I stood there blankly, watching the little white dog running and the man chasing...

"Boom!"

I was awakened by a thunderclap!

In the dark room, there was my awakened eyes feeling uneasy.

It turned out to be just a dream.

Why is it so real? Even the touch of lips seems to be real...

My heart was not settled yet, and the thunder outside seemed to wake up the sleeping earth at night, and kept working hard.

Thinking that the flowers I planted were still on the balcony, I immediately jumped up to collect them, for fear that the strong wind and rain would destroy the flowers that I had been waiting for for almost two months before blooming.

The lightning was terrifying, as if it was about to tear the sky apart, showing its posture with mercy.

Maybe it was because it was too scary that the electricity in the building didn’t dare to face the lightning outside, and they all went to bed on strike.

But I had insomnia because of that dream.

Is that true?

I know it is not, but why do you still ask that?

It’s just because I can’t tell whether it’s illusory or the truth that I don’t know.

A dream is really just a dream.

Time continues to go.

Perhaps, the beginning of a fate taking root and sprouting requires the end of another fate to turn into nutrition as the price.

As for whether fate will bear fruit, in addition to the so-called influence of fate, it also depends on how the "gardener" cares for it.

And as a failed "gardener", I am so weak that I look down on "fate" that I can't even care for it.

I recently read an interesting psychological book, which said: Cherish every moment, but don’t easily evaluate the time I spent, because it is never objective to evaluate yesterday today. We need to change our attitude towards life, believe that you have made the right choices in the past, believe that you cherish all the present, and believe that you will do your best to work hard for all tomorrows.

It makes sense, and I like it very much. However, I still feel that the choices I made in the past are wrong, because I am a sentimentist.

In fact, during the time when we were shaking wings, there was a girl who seemed to be quite suitable for me. She appeared shortly after Arou and I started dating. Because we met, we were a joke by fate.

If I had known A Rou before I met her, maybe I wouldn't have known A Rou. She is likely to be my second love relationship and will even have a good development. However, although the blind date I first knew was her, I had never had any contact information about her when I was abroad. At that time, my family gave me A Rou's contact information, and then had a conversation, and then later. In other words, in theory, I should have known that girl first. However, fate made me meet A Rou first...

Later, when I returned to China, Arou was no longer my Arou, and the girl also had a relationship.

At that time, I felt that God seemed to be joking about me, but it was just right to make me single anyway.

Later, because I saw the girl’s comments on QQ space, it can be inferred from the content of the comments that her relationship might have ended...

So, I rode my bike to see her with curiosity. When I was abroad, I was curious whether I had passed by her at work. After all, I like to travel around.

Yes, that girl is Xiao Hong, who I wrote about in the wielding wings.

Why do you say she looks quite suitable for me?

First of all, from the perspective of parents, both of our parents are very familiar with each other and are considered old friends.

Second, from the perspective of home, her home is not far from mine.

Third, from her height and body shape, if I stand with her, the proportion is still OK.

Fourth, from a superstitious perspective, the matching years in my horoscope are 1994 and 1997, and she is 1994; Sagittarius and Aries are a pair made of heaven and earth. Sagittarius likes to play, Aries likes to be taken to play, and she is Aries.

Fifth, from the time of both mothers’ birthdays, her mother’s birthday and my aunt’s birthday are only a few days apart.

Sixth, in terms of the characteristics of QQ space, she is a level 7 yellow diamond, and I am also a level 7 yellow diamond.

Seventh, in terms of the mobile phones she uses, she uses a vivo mobile phone, and I also use a vivo mobile phone, but the models are different.

Eighth, in terms of the number of loves, she has had two loves, and I have had two loves.

The above looks appropriate. However, the most important thing is the part of the heart.

After I met her, I actually had nothing to talk with her. In addition to the fact that I didn’t know how to chat, she also thought I was from 1993 and felt that there was no possibility, so she didn’t plan to say anything.

Later, after she learned that I was in 1992, she seemed to have changed someone else, and there seemed to be a lot of things to say. But I didn't understand why I thought I was in 1993, and she would have nothing to talk about. She smiled and said that it was because the family was uneasy.

I thought about the year and zodiac signs, so I laughed too. So that's it.

One night, I entered her QQ space, and started to read from her recent comments, and kept seeing the first comments she posted. I saw two in the morning and saw the changes in her years. I felt that she was stronger than I thought. The more I did, the more I felt that she was maturer than me.

She can be said to be a typical Aries. She is very straightforward, brave, dares to love and hate. If you like it, you will never be vague.

She told me that I was the most satisfying of all the boys she knew. She also asked if she had the honor to invite me to join the group of her exclusive lovers in QQ. To put it simply, it was confession.

The first time in my life, I met a girl confessing to me when she told me so well, but I hesitated...

I have read a sentence: If you hesitate before starting a relationship, the best result is not to start.

And why did I hesitate?

Because before A Rou and I started dating, after A Rou learned about my hobbies, she said that she had never tried to worship someone so much. At that time, I was really happy and moved! I thought she was my partner in my life, because before her, no girl recognized me so much, and would use the word "worship". However, she and I had no result. This deeply strangled "I thought" and I became more inferior than before...

So when Xiao Hong also thinks that I am so good, I feel more insecurity in my heart, as if it is easy to repeat the same mistakes. This is like a meteor, which is indeed beautiful and shining in an instant, but it will soon disappear and fall back into darkness. I have become afraid of the hasty beginning and the hasty end...

Therefore, I mentioned above that if the girl I met first was Xiao Hong, then she would probably be my second love relationship. But even if I met Xiao Hong first, who would predict whether the fate between me and her would bear fruit?

People are constantly experiencing, feeling, and growing.

Hesitation is hesitation, but you can try to communicate as a friend for a while before making a decision. After all, neither she nor I know each other well enough.

In the past, I always thought that if anyone who wants to know me reads the first draft of "Girls I Like" I wrote, I should know me more deeply. After all, I think my strengths and weaknesses are already hidden, including my mental journey and changes in my growth.

I also told my family before that my future wife must have read the first draft of "The Girls I Like" written by me.

However, now it seems like I'm a fool, a funny joke.

In the past, I was waiting for someone who really wanted to know me, my past, my growth, and my present. Because at that time, I felt that if a person really liked you, he would naturally have to know you, want to know more stories about you, and even everything about you. But, it seems that this waiting is empty...

During my love relationship with A Rou, I told her about the meaning of the first draft of "The Girls I Like" in my heart. She also went to read it, but she just browsed it or picked some to read it. Finally, she told me that she had finished reading it. In fact, at that moment, I felt my heart beating alone, and it was very painful...

However, when I asked her who the first girl I liked was, she replied to me with a very reasonable word: Why should I remember them? What I want to know is you, not them, I just need to remember you.

Indeed, why did she remember them? It was very good.

I also indirectly expressed the significance of the first draft of "The Girls I Like", but I didn't say anything like that. I just hoped to let it go and really wanted to read it.

She read it very seriously, and she didn't like reading long-term comments, but she still read it.

But I know that she looked at it, but in fact she didn't want to read it very much. Maybe she wasn't interested or maybe she was afraid. So she didn't finish reading it either.

In fact, she told me that she doesn't care about my past, she only cares about my present. Because everyone's past may make mistakes...

So, I knew I was wrong.

I shouldn't use "Girls I Like" to measure how others feel about me. After all, which girl likes to read the "love history" of the people she likes? Although, I just express my growth voice more...

So, I no longer think that my future partner will read the first draft of "The Girls I Like" I wrote. It is like a stone, sinking into the abyss of no expectation in my heart.

I like someone, and what I pay the most attention to is the feeling.

If you feel right, that's right. If you feel wrong, give time. If you feel wrong, then use a more relaxed and comfortable identity to maintain a natural relationship.

Xiao Hong gave me the feeling that she is a good girl. After listening to her first love story, I really feel that her first love has taught her to love. At the same time, I also think that her first love is very good. If I were me, I really couldn't do it like him. After all, I haven't learned to love yet...

Her goodness is inner in my heart, and my goodness is outer in her heart. My goodness is not as good as she thought...

So, I said it would be good to be friends with her.

That scene also reminds me of when I was willing to confess my love to me in college.

At that time, I was actually hesitant and thought it was better to be friends, but I still kicked off the first love with her, and had all the mental journeys over the past few years...

Thinking about Xiao Hong, I think since I don’t have confidence, then don’t start a relationship, because the ignorant beginning will bring more harm. I am no longer the one who accepted the confession of a girl who felt a little bit like, even though I look forward to the happiness of love.

There is no happiness if you force yourself.
To be continued...