Since I was little, my uncle and aunt have given me a direction - to go to college.

In order to go to college in the future, I am saving my lucky money; I have to study hard and not repeat a grade; I can't fall in love before going to college... I... I... want to go to college!

Even if I really like a girl, I won't let her know that I like her. In addition to the reason that I can't fall in love before going to college, another reason is that my introverted personality constrains me.

Almost none of the girls I like know about my liking, so it is just my own liking. A wishful liking, a selfish liking.

After Gan understood Di's position in my heart, he expressed that he envied her and hoped to be friends with me. At that time, I was a little hesitant, but I was also very happy to become friends with her.

I hesitate because I don’t know how to be other people’s friends.

After being confirmed in elementary school and junior high school, I found that I am very selfish and passive. I always think about my own feelings and do not know how to understand the feelings of my friends. I also do not take the initiative to contact my friends. My friends take the initiative to contact me.

So, it’s so hard to be my friend! That’s why I like to think wildly and be solitary in my first year of high school. I can’t accept myself like that. But, I am that kind of person.

Maybe I got too much pampering when I was a child. Therefore, I only know the feeling of being loved, but I don’t know how to love others. I don’t know how to love relatives or friends, but I only know how to love myself. Therefore, I am very happy and very happy.

Happiness. However, these joys and happiness are given by others and are not obtained with my true heart. The feeling of guilt arises from this.

Seeing Gan Na wanting to be friends with me, I couldn't resist, so okay, let's just be friends.

Later, my seat was assigned again, and my deskmate was replaced by Song, a boy who didn’t like studying very much. But Gan was still sitting in the group next to me. There were still two people between me and her. My deskmate and her

deskmate.

Phew, when we were at the same table, almost everyone would do such an unobligated thing. They would still pass notes to Gan and me, and they would take the trouble to pass them on. Hey, think about it, it was really hard for me and Gan, who were classmates that year.

Table.

Because I don’t like studying, I would be forced by him to be the listener of his whispers in class. With my weak character at the time, I didn’t know how to refuse. Oh, okay, listen... But listen, listen,

I actually started whispering as if I was possessed. Phew, it can be said that "when you are near the vermillion, you are red, and when you are near the ink, you are black"!

One time during class, Gan read my weekly diary for a certain week and then threw it to me. Maybe it was because of the wind, or maybe her skills were really not that good, so the diary was thrown in front of my seat.

Clean around.

Jie, a girl with a slightly chubby face and body, who is quiet and seldom talks, but likes words with a unique language flavor. She picked up my weekly diary and looked at it. I looked at Gan in surprise, but Gan seemed to be shy with his hands.

Covered his face.

What?! I immediately asked Jie to give it back to me, but she continued to browse as if I didn't exist. She even turned to me and said, "If you yell again, I'll tear it up!" I was stunned.

, looked at Gan again with great helplessness.

Gan was so shy that he leaned on the table...

I...uh...why do I feel like there is some ulterior secret hidden in my weekly diary?

A few minutes later, Jie returned the weekly diary to me and said, "You wrote well." Then she turned away...

I was a little stunned, but I was very happy because I was liked! The narcissism effect started again...

Speaking of Jie, I think of my cousin Jie again. Originally, if my cousin Jie had continued to study in high school, she would have been in the same class as me. However, she stopped studying. Therefore, my experience was destined to be a little different. It's hard to imagine that if my cousin Jie was still studying and in the same class with me, and her classmates knew that she was my cousin, what would my experience in Class 9 of the higher grade be like? Will Gan? Will you learn more about my past through my cousin Jie? Huh, okay, if only.

She became more and more acquainted with Gan, and she often made some jokes. For example, she would say: "Come here if you can, and I'll throw you downstairs!"

I would still reply to her in a very disgusting way: "Humph! Can you hold me? I can't even hold me. Let's see how you throw me away! Hahaha!"

Then, she was speechless with a rich expression...

Sometimes she and I would run in physical education class, chasing each other, as if two children were playing. That feeling was so comfortable and natural, without any deliberate effort, it came from the heart. What I like most is, It's that sense of freedom that truly has no constraints.

Sometimes when I look at her back, I wonder, do I like her a little bit?

Phew, probably not, I like Di. She and I are just friends, um, just friends.

I always think so...

Sometimes, when I am tired of real life, I will think of imitating a certain character in virtual life to change my mood. For no other reason, I just want to escape reality and adjust my emotions.

There is at least one big holiday every month in high school, allowing students who live far away to go home and visit.

When you return home, you will see a slightly different environment. It feels like you have been away for a long time and it is rare to come back. Of course, you will also feel a little proud, because you are a high school student!

I go home and chat with my grandma, and then continue watching TV dramas. Usually, in order to bring back childhood memories, I will buy some DVDs of TV dramas that I liked to watch when I was a child. For example, "Detective Fang Miu". I like Fang Tianmiu's Bai Bai Yihei's appearance and personality. Two different personalities that can talk to each other and have different behaviors. I like it! Because I often talk to myself...

Because I like it, I imitate it. I divide my contradictory thoughts into one white and one black, and I am in the middle, balancing the two positive and negative thoughts.

Many things can reflect my contradictions. The most obvious one is the tree-planting and grass-greening activities on campus during my freshman year of high school.

Well, the trees planted by our class back then should have almost grown taller. But on the day I planted the trees, I was in an evil contradiction. Uh-huh, evil...

Because when planting a tree, of course you have to dig a hole. To dig a hole, of course you have to bend down.

The situation at that time was like this: Because each class had to plant several trees, they worked in groups. After my group finished it, I turned around to see how the next group was doing. Just as I turned around, my eyes Directly in front of me, Fang, whom I mentioned before, was bending towards me and preparing to hoe the ground. This was not a big deal at first, but the weather was hot! So what? The buttons on her collar were not buttoned, and it was almost 90 degrees Celsius. As she bent over, her clothes no longer fit her body, allowing my eyes to see the spring in summer!

Fang's posture at that time can be said to be close to that of a woman. I was stunned for a moment, a little shocked, what a wonderful spring! Soon, the voice of justice in my heart jumped out: "The sea of ​​suffering is boundless, but when we turn around, we will find a shore!"

I woke up immediately and turned around hurriedly. Phew, I can’t see! Well, I can’t see!

But don't forget, there is an evil voice. The evil voice speaks more beautifully: "Don't look back, hope is in front of you!"

I thought, that’s right! Turning around again, it’s still a moving spring scenery!

The voice of justice never gives up: "The sea of ​​suffering is boundless!"

The evil voice retorted: "It would be great if the sea of ​​suffering was really boundless. Why would I need to look at it so hard?"

The two voices kept fighting and fighting. I turned one way and the other.

Turning around, huh? Where is the spring scenery? Sorry, the sun has set, and I can no longer distinguish it...

The two voices finally agreed to be quiet.

Contradiction is also a kind of pain!
Chapter completed!