"What else can I pursue" - 2012.8.26

In the world, I still don’t understand why you asked me to come to your arms. Do you want me to protect you or hurt you? Do you want me to be the protagonist or to be someone else’s supporting role? Time has not yet been concluded, and it has been almost twenty-one years.

If it weren't for those two heart-wrenching accidents, it wouldn't be my turn to exist. Maybe, I almost became the third accident. But with him and her, love, gave me the health of new life and the happiness of real gold in the world. I can understand nothing, as long as I have his and her love, I will be content. This is me who didn't understand the adult world at the time.

In the world, you are so nice to me! You let me come to this ordinary rural family and feel the happiness of nature that many urban children cannot feel. I can sooner or later experience the life in the city, but urban people may not necessarily understand the life in the countryside. I have never complained that I was born in the countryside, and the happiness of rural natural life is sometimes incomparable to science and technology.

There are also pursuits in the countryside, and the direction is the standard of living in the city. He and she both gave me a dream - to get into college. I didn't object, but I was very happy. As long as it was his and her wish, I would be willing. This was the simplest me at that time.

Growth is full of everything. The cultivation of me by the three of them will really accompany me for the rest of my life. Many of the things I do now, the hobbies and specialties I have will be connected to them. This is the kinship between brothers and sisters. The family is supported by him and her. The three of them beautify and enrich me, allowing me to enjoy the love of the whole family. At that time, I was really a happy child!

If you have love in a small family, everyone will have it. My grandfather really loved me so much, but I can't repay him. Now my grandmother, who is alone in her hometown, also loves me. I hate that I have learned bad things and can't be filial to her. Although there are occasional conflicts between cousins ​​and cousins, the family affection remains unchanged, and everyone is still the same.

Friendship and love are the most unseparable chaos. It is sweet and sour, and when it is sour, it is sweet and sour, and in the end it is only painful and painful.

I want to escape, but I can't escape! The shackles locked my heart...

I originally let it go, but I picked it up stupidly. Later, I threw it away hard, but I secretly found it. I really don't understand...

Today, everything has changed.

I have been admitted to university for a year, and the dream he and she gave me is no longer. The three of them have their own things, and they also have their world. What else can I pursue? After reading so many inspirational books, but I can't use them. What's the use? I don't know when my outlook on life has quietly deteriorated! I am simple and simple, I have long disappeared, numb, and ignorant, but I am reluctant to leave...

"Life for yourself, not for others." Every time I see this sentence, I think, if I really do this, what kind of person would I become? Maybe not a human, but a demon!

The world, what does my existence mean to you? I am just a person who can fantasize. In my imagination, nothing is impossible. However, once it reaches reality, it almost becomes impossible. I really can't think of anything else I can pursue...

But when I looked at him and her who were still working hard for me, my sadness seemed to tell me what my true pursuit is...

"So, One Day" - 2012.9.18

Yesterday, it was very complicated.

In the morning, it was not interesting at all. But this thought class touched me a little.

Because the teacher gave a lesson about Marx. Of course, I had long experienced his spirit in junior high school and high school. I knew that he had a great friendship and was Engels. But I didn’t know that his love was so great!

I was shocked to read the love poem he wrote to his beautiful wife Yan Ni! I suddenly felt that my obsession at this time was nothing! I just blindly exaggerated how good and perfect it was. In fact, I was just deceiving myself. I used this preface of beauty and absurdity to hide my hypocrisy. I was not sleepy in this lesson, it was really good!

In the afternoon, there was no class. But I was very busy because I had to review the knowledge of the make-up exam.

However, the problem is that I may not necessarily review. This is all due to poor self-control. I will play QQ games. I thought I would spend this afternoon...

However, there are many variables in life.

Suddenly, a part-time job was delivered. I was confused and didn't know whether to go or not.

The salary is eight yuan per hour, not much. But I want to play games.

Later I thought about it and I hadn’t worked part-time, so I had a good experience. I was not in a good mood anyway, so I might be better after working.

So, at 2:30 pm, I gathered twenty people and squeezed into a small van and ran towards what I thought was Foshan South Sea.

On the way, there was a traffic jam...

In the traffic jam, I couldn't resist my sleepiness and dreamed.

When I woke up, I had been more than an hour and could go to Guangzhou! I finally got through, but I knew that I really arrived in Guangzhou... I was dizzy!

Finally, at five o'clock in the afternoon, get off at the entrance of the Garden Hotel.

After the person in charge of the hotel came out and said something, my heartbeat accelerated and I was a little scared.

Because the anti-Japanese parade in Guangzhou the day before yesterday had a great impact. Therefore, there were many armed police patrolling in the hotel and you should not talk nonsense. Moreover, the people from the Japanese consulate were also in the hotel. Alas, in short, they were very nervous!

There are too many rules when you enter it.

You need to cut your nails; stick the bangs that cover your eyebrows with gel water; wear black socks, buy them for two dollars if you don’t have one, etc.

After dinner and changing into the work clothes there, I didn’t feel cool anymore because I didn’t have the fitting pants!

The legs of the pants were only on my heels, and the person in charge asked me to relax the belt before I could fit. This style made me see myself crying in the mirror. Forget it, just work, that's it.

Then, the person in charge assigned each person to different positions to start experiencing the working life.

I was assigned to a place that specializes in classifying after-meal dishes. Here, there were happiness and helplessness.

I want to quickly remember where the person in charge took me through. After remembering, I almost always moved on two floors. Going down, going up and going down, these are not a problem. The problem is that I am often blamed for making mistakes. However, I have overcome them and made progress.

When I was working, it was actually at night. It happened that the rich second generation got married tonight. The bride was not very good, but the four bridesmaids were really beautiful!

Such a wedding is really enviable! I want to hold a wine in a hotel if I have money in the future.

However, when I see the dishes that I throw away without eating much, can I waste money like this? Poor families eat the best food, not as good as the delicacies they throw in the trash can. No wonder richer and poorer.

Work is also a bit of a good deal. I was looking forward to the arrival of Mid-Autumn Festival because I wanted to eat egg yolk mooncakes. Unexpectedly, there were egg yolk mooncakes there, and I ate it so delicious. Finally, after a few hours, I finally returned to school. When I left, I hope that one day I could go in and eat in another capacity. Well...

On the way back to school, a girl vomited. A boy sitting next to me was eating candy again. Later, the boy handed the girl the candy with great concern and asked her to go to the car with a bad smell and a sweet mouth. I think this boy really cares about people! Look at himself who is numb, speechless...

When I entered the school, it was already past 11:30 in the evening, and the doors downstairs of the dormitory were locked. Alas! The dormitory manager was sleeping too...

It just so happened that a couple couldn't get in even if they came back. Forget it, let them call them dormitory managers.

I sat on the small ladder and started playing with my phone. After a while, I finally returned to the dormitory.

It was late at night, and it was already new at twelve o'clock.

Hope, is it still there?

In this way, one day...

"Yesterday Feelings, Today's Feelings" - 2012.12.23

This hour should be to dream in a deep sleep. However, I have too many thoughts, so my thoughts force my body to stay up late.

It’s early morning, it’s a new day. That is to say, the feeling of last night accompanied me into a future. Huh...

Yesterday, I was very numb.

I just slept in the early morning, and I had a crazy alarm clock at seven o'clock. I stayed in bed for half an hour, and I had no soy milk breakfast at eight o'clock. I went into the examination room for more than ten minutes, which made my nose feel scattered and the sound of my unconscious listening. The energetic clock above the blackboard, the pen that was not in charge, the calmness after handing over the paper, the water after the exam with my classmates in the canteen, and the meal card was lent to my senior brother who was preparing to go to the internship again. After returning to the dormitory, I smirked, I had been playing idol dramas I had watched for more than four hours in junior high school, and I slept for two hours in the evening, and I was stunned for two hours. Finally, it was ten o'clock at night.

Last night, the wind was really strong, and it made people feel suffocating.

I still go out shopping alone and just want to buy a new pair of shoes to wear. It is healthy if I don’t have shoes anymore.

I need healthy shoes to accompany me to play basketball and face the challenges of ups and downs.

Perhaps, the weather is too cold and no one is willing to go out. Or perhaps, it's a bit late and everyone is going to stay home.

I was alone, looking at my own shadow, chatting with myself with emotion. The lights on the road did not embellish the beauty of the night, but only set off my loneliness. The wind made my hair so messy. I didn't organize it and let it blow, as if it was rare...

Looking at the closed shops, I didn't complain, and walked forward calmly. I looked at the people and scenery around me naturally and felt very comfortable. This feeling was much better than being in a daze in the dormitory. Just walking like this, I really couldn't feel anything cold. It should be a divert attention, but I believe that if my heart is relaxed, everything will go smoothly.

Almost all the shoe stores are closed, except for the Meike** store, but I personally think that this store is of poor quality. Therefore, the purpose is to change from buying shoes to buying jackets.

When I walked to the place where I often set up stalls to sell clothes, the sellers at those stalls packed up their things and went home, only one stall was left.

I just chose clothes based on my fate mentality and bought them if I have the right ones. I saw a very touching brown-white mixed jacket, and tried it on, it really fits well! However, the white part of this jacket is a bit dirty, and it should be stained by the goods often rubbing and so on.

I asked the boss if there was any new one. The boss said that this one is the only one.

I was disappointed. The boss asked me to see the others, but I didn't feel anything about the others. Even if it was the same style, but the colors were different, I didn't like it. In the end, I could only go with a loss...

On the way back, I always felt that I had no fate with that dress. But as I walked, it seemed that I had given up on this fate. If I bought that dress, wouldn’t my fate with that dress continue? Although it was a bit dirty, it could be washed clean, and I could buy that dress at a cheaper price.

The more I think about it, the more I feel regretful. It is rare that I will meet the clothes I like at first sight, and it is so suitable. However, if I miss it, I miss it, and there is nothing to regret. This is also a good experience.

I kept thinking, if that dress was like a girl who appeared in my life, what would I choose? In other words, if I met a girl I like very much in the future, and after a period of time, I found that she was very suitable for me. However, she has been in love many times and is no longer a virgin. It is like the stains on that dress, which cannot be completely washed.

If such a person really appears, would I give up on her like I gave up on that dress? I don’t know...

However, if it is true love, you will not give up. Just like the true love of the male and female protagonists who were very hot some time ago, which disregarded the world's eyes.

I can only guess about the future.

And buying clothes can’t measure anything at all. After all, women are not clothes.

Let's go, the wind is getting stronger. I just remember that I haven't had supper yet...

Thinking of this, I felt sad inexplicably. I walked alone, my stomach was so hungry that I was roaring, and the wind mocked my body in a mess.

It turns out that I am pitiful to myself...

To be honest, I'm sorry for myself, I'm so sad! I didn't even let myself eat, as for it?

Back in the dormitory, I got everything I should do. I started to feel sorry for myself again, and I didn't even let myself sleep.
Chapter completed!