The lights dimmed, the music whispered, and the marshmallows in their mouths melted...

Listening to the quiet and sad song, walking alone on the road to get off work embraced by the darkness, it feels so artistic. I have loved this kind of quietness, in that ignorant youth...

I haven't written anything for more than ten days at that time, and I feel so unfamiliar. It seems that if some things I often do before stopping for a while before doing them, the feeling will change.

Then why don’t you write anything for more than ten days? Well, the reason is complicated, just like a person’s mood is as unpredictable as the weather, and you can’t find a suitable reason.

In the past ten days, I have had many special thoughts, all of which I really wanted to write, but I didn’t write them. Just like the season when it was supposed to rain, it didn’t rain, revealing an abnormality.

Then when I suddenly want to write, what should I write? All kinds of "bubbles" float in my mind that cannot withstand salvage...

So, it's a little bit.

When I write something, I always feel that there is a curse that entangles me, a curse that I think but cannot be accomplished.

Many times, I wrote some logs that I wanted someone to see and wanted someone to see, but I didn’t read them. But I wrote some logs that I didn’t want someone to see at all and I didn’t want someone to see, but I read them all.

For those moments when I think but can't do anything, I always feel that God will do anything.

Since I want someone to see it so much or don’t want someone to see it, why don’t I take some small measures? Huh, because I like to let it go. Seeing it means seeing it, not seeing it means not seeing it. Being destined is destined, and not being destined is not destined.

When I first started writing things, I read the sentence "Someone will always read every mood, every log, every photo you have written from the past to the present...", so I always have an expectation in my heart, and I feel that the other half who appears in the future will definitely read every bit of what I have written.

It was not until the flowers that were anticipated in my heart withered that I realized that it was just a beautiful fantasy. No one could read every mood and every diary I wrote with great care, because I couldn't do it myself...

The large number is a reason, and it is also a reason for the difficulty of finding a confidant.

What is a confidant? Are people who know many of your secrets a confidant? My own view is this: after spending a while with you, you share many secrets with that person, and that person also understands behind your joys, angers, sorrows, and happiness, but that cannot be considered a confidant, but can only be said to be a good friend and best friend who has made friends with you. When spending a while with you, you have never told the secrets of that person, but that person seems to understand what is behind your joys, sorrows, and happiness, and can "prescribe the right medicine". Then that person is not a confidant of your heart, but a confidant of your soul.

During those ten days, I didn't write anything. I thought no one would pay attention to it. Maybe it would be fine if I didn't write it, but someone noticed that I haven't written it for a long time. It was a special touch, something I didn't expect.

The first one is my good friend God. The touching God gave me is that he has always been in my world. Not only did he realize that I didn’t write anything, he also suggested that I open a WeChat official account to write something. Haha, that’s actually pretty good, but I prefer to write in QQ Space, because if I write in QQ Space, I can see how much I have written, and it’s easy to read it. But if I write in WeChat official account, it’s more difficult to read what I have written before, and I have to keep marking... But I’m very happy that he gave me this suggestion, at least, I have another choice.

The second one is a friend who I note as "19-year-old girl". The touching her was that she was neither my relative nor a good friend I had ever met. She was just an online friend who had never met and had only talked about in the virtual world. However, she noticed that I had not written words for a long time, and was unexpectedly moved. This made me feel more motivated to write things! Oh, the reason why she was noted as "19-year-old girl" was because when I became friends with her, she was only 19 years old, so she made notes like this. Now that people are growing up...

Sometimes, as I write, the singles will unknowingly accompany me for a night...

The lights went out and the music stopped...

Time continues to go.

Many times, you want to wait and do something, but when you wait, you will find that the thing you promised to do is put in a forgotten past by time. Moreover, when you remember something you promised to do but have not done it yet, you no longer want to do that...

So, why did you have to wait for a while to do something? Maybe you were very busy and forgot, or maybe you were afraid of facing it and deliberately escaped.

For me, I think I belong to the latter. I deliberately escaped because I was afraid of facing it...

Take my hobby for example. I like to write my own songs, but I am very afraid to write songs. I am afraid that I can't write halfway through it. That is undoubtedly a terrible thing for me who has obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have five songs that have not finished halfway through it, and I have been put on for three years and haven't written the complete songs. But I have never written the complete songs...

Feeling is a factor. I don’t feel like writing songs anymore because I don’t have the motivation to be afraid that I will become messy as I write.

But from time to time, the inspiration for new melodies floats out in my mind. According to principles, I should write down the melody, but I didn’t. Let the inspiration flow through it but didn’t stay. This is an abnormal manifestation.

In fact, as long as I start bravely, I can finish a song quickly. However, the cowards in my soul are always used to being timid...

The same is true for drawing and writing things. If you haven’t painted or written things for too long, you will become more and more afraid in your heart and start to continue to relay. Why are you afraid? It’s just because you are not at ease and not confident enough in yourself.

But when I insist on starting to continue painting or writing things relayedly, after I finish drawing or writing, my feeling will come back. It seems that the one blocking me is just a paper tiger. But even a paper tiger makes me feel as frightened as seeing a real tiger.

There are many difficult things, and the difficulty lies in whether you have the courage to start and really start.

Sometimes when I see a very difficult painting, I try my best not to draw. So, in order to force myself to face it, I have to start. As long as I draw a stroke on the white paper, even if I am afraid of drawing that painting, I will finish it. The reason is very simple. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. After drawing a stroke on the paper, I wipe it off and don’t draw it. This is not acceptable to me who has obsessive-compulsive disorder. Therefore, I face it obsessively and regain my feelings.

It’s the same with writing things. I haven’t written them for too long and I don’t know what to write. But when I force myself to write the beginning, I will finish that article. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is both a problem and a “weapon” that can be used for me.

Understanding yourself is more important than understanding others. If you don’t understand yourself, how can you live for yourself?

In that case, why don’t I use my obsessive-compulsive disorder to write songs? Because, I’m biased...

I was fond of drawing and writing at that time.

When you have the courage to start but start a little confused, it doesn't matter. Because in the process after you start, you have made slight progress and are no longer standing there. What you need to do later is to grasp the mentality and take the right measures to get yourself back on the right track.

So am I back on the right track?

I don’t know, at that time I felt that I was still "involving", haha... (To be continued)
Chapter completed!