The original intention of writing things is to simply want to write. If too many external factors are mixed in, the things written will deteriorate. They will not be what they really want to express in their hearts, but will become an accessory to please external factors.

Therefore, if the original intention really just wants to express the inner world, which has nothing to do with interests or other people's vision, then be more carefree and let the original intention remain the original intention.

My motto - nothing is in vain.

In order to consolidate the position of my motto in my heart, I will keep looking for evidence to convince myself.

The evidence comes from books and TV series I have read.

I may not remember many of the details of the books I have read, but this does not mean that those books are in vain. Because when I read those books, I have thought about it. Once I have thought about it, my world outlook, outlook on life, and values ​​may undergo subtle changes, thereby changing my inner self.

As you accumulate more subtle changes, it is easy to distinguish how much you have changed. Just like, I couldn’t have thoughts like this ten years ago. These are gradually changed by thinking little by little.

Similarly, although not all the TV series I have watched have thought about, any TV series I have watched and thought about can have a significant impact on my psychology and penetrate into my spiritual world. For example, the love in idol dramas dominates my fantasy of love in my youth; and for example, the passionate anime or superman I liked to watch when I was a child dominates my understanding of world peace, light, hope and yearning for the early years of my life.

So, I always have enough evidence to consolidate the position of the motto in my heart, “Nothing is in vain!”

Therefore, I can only follow my own writing path, even if it is very dark and full of unpredictable variables.

As long as I like it, that's fine.

Write, stop update.

Stop updates and write.

Write, stop update.

Stop updates, write...

I don't know when I became like this... Maybe, I was like this, but I just deceived myself...

I clearly said I could write as much as I wanted at the beginning, but why did I not be able to write as much as I wanted at the beginning? It was so weird, I actually slapped myself in the face for no reason...

I seem to have a disease, a disease that can sometimes see myself clearly, and sometimes I can't see myself clearly.

I heard that this disease has a very beautiful name - blind.

Is it a problem with the eyes? Otherwise, how could I be blind? I have verified the function of my eyes in front of the mirror countless times. I can't see anything except seeing a narcissistic soul...

Maybe my eyes are blinking to the edge of being almost ruined.

Then I don’t need my eyes to look at it. I close my eyes and think that the mind is the existence that makes me proud.

OK, I close my eyes that are almost ruined and look at the world with my heart.

Look, what is this?

Yo, what is that?

Oh, nothing is just a piece of nothingness, a fantasy non-existence that seems to exist but does not exist...

It turns out that I'm blind...

What should I do if I can’t see it?

I used to hear others' answers to "What to do" were "cold salad". Well, okay, show me the cold salad!

If you are blind, you will be blind.

This feeling is nothing more than the sky, or the unpredictable sky; the world, or the world, or the endless changing world; but your feelings about this world are different.

Perhaps, only when I am blind will I remember that I still have unwritten things, and many emotions, psychology, and feelings that I have suppressed in my heart and have nowhere to rest...

Obviously, I am a Sagittarius from the Optimistic Sect, but I live so sentimental. Why is it so contradictory? Wouldn't it be nice to live happily?

Who doesn’t want to live happily? But, is your mentality strong enough? Can it be strong enough to suppress the endless tests of real life? If not, please open your heart and show me.

Why are people so strange?

Why did you suddenly break your promise after you made a decision after you became a pledge? Is it nature or a bad nature?

Maybe, I suddenly got lost...

Even if life deceives you, you still have to live, and life does not deceive you. After all, it doesn’t know who you are.

What deceives you is the beating existence on your left chest.

People are also very wonderful.

As I walked, I was derailed.

After some time, it may suddenly return to normal again.

Is it the cause and effect involved in the dark, or is the power of unknown sensation controlled behind the scenes?

I don’t know, after all, this world that nurtures humans itself is also very wonderful.

What exactly do I want to express?

I don’t know, because I have been suppressed for too long, but I suddenly get released. All kinds of feelings are rushing to express myself to make up for the piles of lost fragments before.

Huh, please calm down your emotions and continue to what belongs to me.

Time is coming to early June 2017, and my mind begins to be subject to the psychological torture test arranged by God...

From June 3rd to 5th, Xiaoshi and I had a conflict. Different personalities and different views all require time to get in. If we are not careful, the workout will be unpleasant and sparks will be there.

But we are inconsistent in even the way of dealing with conflicts.

When conflicts arise, I never quarrel with her. I just keep silent because I am afraid that once I quarrel, I will lose my mind and say hurtful words that should not be said. The words I say are like water splashed out, and I can't take them back after saying them. Although I will be reconciled as before, those unbeautiful words will remain in my memory until the next time the conflict arises, it will once again turn into a weapon to hurt people, and it will seriously affect my feelings when accumulated. Therefore, I would rather be silent than quarrel.

But Xiaoshi didn't think so. She thought that my silence was to neglect her and ignore her, making her feel that she was just alone. She would rather me quarrel with her than I was silent and ignored her. After all, she heard that quarrels could enhance feelings.

Wouldn't the differences be even bigger in this way? In my heart, I never think that quarrels can enhance feelings. It will only leave more knife holes in the other person's heart. Although I can still live with a smile, it will be injured. The more quarrels, the deeper the injury. When one day the other person can no longer bear the pain in his heart, then a relationship may end. Of course, too much silence can easily become the murderer who strangles a relationship.

When I feel uncomfortable, I like to be alone, because being alone can calm me down. In the "Heart and Earth", the corner that can satisfy my solitude is the bathroom. Therefore, when we have conflicts, I will stay in the bathroom for a long time because it is really sad...

And lying alone in bed, she would feel so scared, afraid of the lonely helplessness, which would lead to emotional instability and start to cry...

She sent a message from QQ and asked me: "Are you planning to ignore me like this?"

I replied simply but heavily in my heart: "No."

Afterwards, she left the bitter sea in the bathroom and walked to the bed to see her face covered with hair. Many of her hair were soaked with tears...

Seeing her like this, I felt very caring... Then, I comforted her, helped her to stroke her hair, wipe her tears, and said it was all my fault... Although I didn't think it was all my fault in my heart, I would admit that it was all my fault...

She is a strong Aries. To be honest, I don’t like being strong. The stronger she is to me, the more repulsive I feel. Therefore, our conflicts will arise if we are not careful.

However, when she took off her strong armor and cried softly, I would immediately surrender. What could conquer me was never tough, but gentle. Gentleness did not refer to the so-called gentle tenderness, but powerful tenderness.

Contradiction is the source of development of things.

Only when there are contradictions can our feelings be constantly tested and sublimated.

I always look forward to one day we can get along very harmoniously.

The psychological torture and test arranged by God may be a special blessing.
Chapter completed!